strictures and structures

if only we stopped trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time

Month: July, 2010

winning at my favorite game

I’m not a particularly confident person, and usually can’t con myself
into carrying myself like one, but there is one exception, and that’s
when I’m walking down the street. I like to walk in a straight line
and use sheer body language and eye contact alone to make other people
get out of my way. My nerve failed me once when I encountered a six
foot tall man in a wifebeater, and sometimes people refuse to submit
and I end up moving a bit, or bumping shoulders. However, I’d say my
success rate is about 80%, and possibly even higher if I’m really
focusing on telegraphing what a badass I am.

A very quick physical description of me to help you believe:
–occasionally teased for looking like a high school girl
–weighs about 120 pounds

The tips:
–Walk in a laser-straight line
–Keep your stride at a comfortable length
–If they seem especially recalcitrant, make eye contact for a full
second, and then flick your eyes away disdainfully. Do not look back.
That looks weak.
–Keep your upper body still.
–Do not turn your face aside.

Sometimes you can get incoming pedestrians to veer off while they’re
still a hundred feet away.

a conversation with a couple train conductors

A conversation with a couple train conductors:

A: Jane, ever seen a kid hit by a train before?
J: No, and I don’t really want to.
A: I think the last one we saw was back in November now. B, did you shed a tear?
B: I can’t remember!
A: Well, did you?
B: Oh, I remember! They took so long with the coroner and picking up
pieces of the body, my sandwich went bad!
A: Oh, that’s right. You sure shed a tear over that sandwich! And my
apple got warm.
J: I don’t understand?
B: They’re better when they’re cold. Cold and crispy!