How Chinese Children Calculate Their BMIs

by janedotx7

Many people do not know what a healthy weight for their height is. The
Body Mass Index (BMI) was designed to solve that problem and aid
dieters by providing a reasonable, healthy goal. You can calculate
your BMI by going online and finding a BMI calculator, but if you’re
Chinese, finding your BMI is much simpler. A Chinese BMI is not a
number, but a boolean: fat, or non-fat. The proper calculation merely
entails asking your parents if you’re still fat. As often happens in
experimental science, two instruments used to measure the same metric
may disagree. Here is an example from tonight:

J: Mom, am I fat?
Mom: No, Jane. You used to be fat, but now you are not fat.

J: Dad, am I fat?
Dad: Your face is fat.

In such cases, where one parent disagrees with the other, you must err
on the side of caution and record yourself as being fat.

To encourage other Chinese American children who are also seeking to
reduce their weight with the aid of such rigorous scientific
measurements as the BMI, I offer a 5 year sample of my BMI:

2006: FAT
2007: FAT
2008: FAT
2009: FAT
2010: FAT

As you can see, I still have much further to go, but I hope that with the power
of a Confucian attitude, I may someday achieve a healthy weight. ^_^