strictures and structures

if only we stopped trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time

Month: August, 2012

I ride on the coattails of greatness

Larry discovers an ice cream street vendor. The following dialogue ensues.

Larry: Do your friends get free ice cream?

Vendor: Yes, they do.

Larry: How do I become your friend?

Vendor: Say “hi.”

Larry: Hi.

Vendor: Here you go!

Jane: Can I have a Coke?

Vendor: Are you with him?

Larry: Yes, she is.

Vendor: Here you go!

I hate nerds

Me: Okay, so suppose unicorns have blue fur, and they are the only animals with blue fur. Then, it’s grammatical to say, “Blue fur is a trait unique to unicorns.” Does that make sense?

Nerd: No, because unicorns don’t exist.

I hate you all! You are a goddamn evolutionary dead-end!

strawberry night live

I had a bowl of strawberries last night. I was halfway through devouring them when I realized that I had a rare chance to indulge in that most classic of exercises: the bowl-of-fruit still life. Being too lazy to get up, I used only the materials available, which were an envelope containing my utilities bill, and a gel pen. (Sakura Gelly Roll, fine point, if you’re a pen geek.) I was hoping that I’d discover why drawing fruits was popular in the course of this exercise. I thought at first that perhaps fruits provided a nice (and eventually tasty) introduction to capturing the way light falls onto surfaces, but according to Wikipedia, ever since the days of the Egyptian pharoahs, people have prized pictures of food. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Still_life) Once again, I was over-thinking. People who photograph their food and then send photos via Instagram are merely part of a proud and ancient tradition. The Egyptian pharoahs thought that pictures of food in their tombs meant that they’d have food in their afterlife, and the Instagram users think that…I don’t know what the Instagram users are trying to accomplish, but I like how an innate human fondness for pictures of food really links our far past with our narcissistic present.

As an aside, drawing with ink is a wonderfully freeing exercise. When every shitty line you laid down continues to stare you in the face long after you’ve discovered the best line to capture the curves of a strawberry, you can’t help but be traumatized so often by your failure that you reach a mental breaking point. Then you stop worrying and start drawing.

I just reread that last paragraph. Wow, I hope I don’t ever become a mom.

Seattle drawing fun

Because I love the zoo, but hate taking photos, and I am a goddamn Luddite. I hate technology as much as I love it. I am so confused all the time.

Image

If you can’t read the blue ink, it says “A GODDAMN PENGUIN REARS ITS FIRETRUCKING HEAD.” Because “firetruck” is a valid euphemism in the land of Jane Land.

If you can’t read the caption on the side here, it says, “EAT FISH AND DIE MOTHERFUCKER.” The other one says, “WAT YOU LOOKING AT.” These penguins may live in a Seattle zoo, but they live the authentic thug life.

Also, fortune cookie sentiment of the day: “Some people are decent because they want to be decent, and others are goddamn little goodie-two shoes.” Because I hate Kant with a categorical passion, more than photos.

I was tired when I was captioning my little life drawings, and I’m tired now.