strictures and structures

if only we stopped trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time

Month: December, 2012

my high-expectations Asian mother

Jane: Hey Mom! Turns out my blood type is a B+! Aren’t you upset?

Mom: Why would I be upset? It would be better in emergencies if you had type AB, though. Then you could suck blood from anybody, just like your father.

Jane: I mean, like, aren’t you upset that I don’t have an A+?

Mom: What? A+ in what?

Jane: My blood type!…never mind.

I have seen the Singularity, and it is bleak

Imagine a day in a post-scarcity society.

Because no human being has to work any more unless they really want to, you wake up late, in time for lunch. You sink into a cloud of mindless nanobots who instantly configure themselves into the most ergonomic formation for your body, and they provide a light massage, too. You eat some delicious, nutritious food that was sustainably harvested by Japanese robots who have been programmed to be ecstatic about their jobs. Your appetite for your individually-tailored Paleo diet is moderate, but healthy. Your food is served on bone china plates decorated with hand-painted pictures of bacon.

And then. Because you live in a post-scarcity society, and you love devoting yourself to purely artistic and creative pursuits just like the egg-headed bloggers of the early twenty-first century predicted, you spend the rest of your day perfecting something like this here:

fabscisscors

http://fab.com/sale/14725/product/698/

That is, after the Singularity, you will have nothing better to do than producing, and using, selling, and buying, minute improvements on common household items. In short, the future is Fab.com, and it is the duty of every right-thinking citizen to oppose this terrible doom as strenuously as possible.

an ancient piece of family history is clarified

Jane: Mom, when did you stop thinking I was retarded?

Mom: It was because when you were little, it took you ten months to learn the names of the colors.

Jane: I meant, when did you stop thinking I was retarded?

Mom: Oh! Oh. Hmm. It was when you were in either second or third grade. I don’t quite remember.