Given a closed room with no exits and an infinite number of kindergarteners determined to kill you, how many could you kill before you yourself died?

by janedotx7

I recently drove myself to complete exhaustion by biking up a steep hill. Using the law of conservation of energy, we can calculate how much kindergartener-slaughtering energy I’ve got.
The combined mass of myself and my bike is about 63.5 kilograms.
The elevation gained was about 548.64 meters total.
The earth’s gravitational constant is 9.8 meters per second squared.
Taking the product of these three numbers, we find that the total amount of kinetic energy available to me is 341,418.672 joules.

I was stumped when it came to figuring out how many joules it would take to punch out a small child, but then I had the brilliant idea of consulting my physicist Tiger Father. [1] He told me in no uncertain terms that it took only 100 joules to the face. [2][3]

I am extremely efficient, so let’s assume no loss of energy from friction from the air or inefficiency in my own muscles. Then it’s a simple matter of arithmetic:

3,414 children slain. [4]

[1] Is Amy Chua right when she explains “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” in an op/ed in the Wall Street Journal? I’ll give you all the truth you need: NO.
[2] Apologies for playing fast and loose with the significant figures here.
[3] I assume this is from extensive empirical verification, since he is such a good scientist and a real paragon of Chinese parenting himself.
[4] I am so good.
N.B. My physicist brother just pointed out that if I ate my victims, I would replenish my energy and be able to kill infinitely.

I understand my devoted fans will have read this already, but not everyone is so devoted, nor has a Quora account.

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