Dad, on matrimony and women
Dad: Are the people in that photo married?
Jane: I guess so.
Dad: Life would be so much easier if nobody got married. Actually, life would be much easier if everyone were dead.
Jane: Oh, it’s okay, Mom. You needn’t go to such trouble on my behalf. We all know girls are worthless.
Dad: I wouldn’t say “worthless.” You can always marry them off. I just draw the line at slaughtering and eating them.