strictures and structures

if only we stopped trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time

Category: dad

dad’s perception of himself

Jane: Dad, what is your blood type?

Dad: I am O negative. I can donate to anyone. That means I am a hero.

Mom: When I went to the ER and I needed a blood transfusion, you didn’t give me anything!

Dad: Ahem, I am a reluctant hero.

—–

He actually said that last part in English. He is much more familiar with literary tropes than I had thought.

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rites of passage in a typical Chinese family

Jane: Dad, why is your nickname for me “puppy”? Why don’t you ever use my actual name?

Dad: Traditionally, in China, you start out by calling a child an animal. It is only when they prove that they can survive that you give them a real name.

Twenty-six years, and he’s still calling me “puppy.” No wonder he made his plans for retirement without counting on me for support.

more gems from my dad

Dad: Are you going to get a boyfriend anytime soon?
Jane: What the hell? Do you want grandchildren or something?
Dad: Yes. Yes, I do. Your mother is too old now to pass on more of our genes.
Jane: What. You think our family’s genes are so good we absolutely
have to pass them on? You’re a conceited bastard!
Dad: There are some drawbacks, but overall, I’d give our lineage an A-.

So you think calling your kid fat is bad enough?

I was watching TV once, when I was perhaps twelve. The narrator was
gushing about his beautiful daughter. A young brunette stepped onto
the screen. I didn’t think she was that pretty, so as I always do when
I’m confused, I ask my dad for his opinion.

J: Dad, why did he say she was pretty? I don’t think she’s pretty.
Dad: She’s not, Jane. I agree. It’s just because most fathers think
their children are beautiful.
J: Oh. Do you think I’m pretty?
Dad: You’re average. But that’s good. An ugly woman is a treasure.
Much less domestic strife.

And, as always when I don’t like what my dad has to say, I consulted
my mother for a second opinion.

J: Mom, am I pretty?
Mom: Not really, but you would make a very handsome boy!